


Gold

by AngelynMoon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Major Character Injury, Not A Fix-It, Sad, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:22:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25238413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Some things are different now.An au where Steve uses the Gauntlet instead of Tony (Another one from me I know).
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Gold

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't tag Major Character Death for a reason, though it seems that way in the beginning, if you think I need it let me know.

"I burned every letter you ever wrote to me before I left, how could I not, I told myself. If I left them then someone might find them, someone might realize. And I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't. I never got any more after the Project, I didn't know then just why, didn't know that you'd been taken prisoner, didn't know that you and the rest had been abandoned and marked for dead.

"I didn't care about the others, not then, they were lucky, they got the chance to escape and live because they were with you and I could not leave you behind, not then, not ever.

"Funny how it was always you leaving, you going off to war first, you falling, you vanishing before my eyes. Funny how I was always chasing after you but never able to catch up.

"When they woke me up, when they woke me up I regretted burning up all your letters, I wanted to see them again, read the over and over until they were memory even if I had to do so at a museum, not that they would have even put them up on display, after all how could I have loved someone like you when I could have had her.

"How could you go, how could you leave me behind again. How dare you, you Jerk?"  
.  
.  
.  
"Some days are better than others, not great, sometimes not even good but not bad.

"Tony got married over the weekend, I wasn't invited, didn't expect to be but I watched it on the television, at least the world had a moment of good news. 

"They looked happy, Tony looked happy, good, he deserves it.

"I pulled out the ring I had made when I learned that two men or two women could marry each other. I wished that you had a chance to wear it, I wish I'd been brave enough to ask.

"But I couldn't, not when you had so much to work through, it would have been selfish.

"I wish I'd just been selfish, I wish you could have been my husband."  
.  
.  
.

"I'm..., we're about to do something really stupid, it might not work and even if it does it won't guarantee that I will see you again.

"If..., if I don't see you again, if I die for this know that I love you, that it was always you.

"If I live, if we both survive do you think..., would you..., I'd like to call you husband for however long I can, would you, would you share your life with me?"

Bucky wiped a tear from his eyes as he finished listening to the tapes that he had found in Steve's drawer, his hands were shaking as he set the player back on the bedside table where he'd found it.

He sat there for a moment, processing, and his eyes caught on the golden band that had been next to the tape recorder, the one he'd been holding onto as he listened to Steve's ramblings.

It would have contrasted nicely with his original arm but it would look like it was part of the design on the new one. For a moment Bucky wondered why gold when he'd always looked better with silver and then a memory floated forward.

'You deserve something precious, Bucky, if we ever commit I'll get you a gold ring, you can wear it on a chain and tell people it was your dad's or something but you deserve gold.'

'I got gold.' Bucky recalled saying, ruffling Steve's blond hair and starting a little scuffle that ended in a soft kiss and cuddles in their bed.

"I got gold." Bucky repeated as he twirled the ring in his hands before sliding it on his finger as a knock sounded on the door.

Sam peaked in, "Hey, you ready?" 

Bucky looked around and tucked the tape recorder into his pocket and nodded, "Yeah, let's go."

They drove through the city slowly, people celebrating and hugging those that had been brought back and Bucky envied them, he didn't begrudge their joy, couldn't hate them for rejoicing but it hurt, it hurt so much to see others reuniting when he couldn't.

The car stopped and they climbed out and headed up, Tony halting the reporters that tried to stop them to answer unimportant questions, questions that Bucky wouldn't have answered anyway, he had more important things to do.

Tony stood next to him in the elevator as they went up, Pepper and Natasha taking over reporter wrangling.

"That's new." Tony tapped the ring.

Bucky flinched away, pulling the hand to his chest as though he needed to protect the ring from Tony.

"It's not." Bucky tod him.

"I never saw it before." Sam mentioned.

"'Cause it wasn't mine yet, or well, Steve hadn't given it to me, it's always been mine." Bucky said softly, tracing the words that lined the outer rim of the ring, 'Till the end of the Line', the almost wedding vows they had always promised one another, even before they thought about together forever like that.

"Oh." Tony exclaimed softly, "That explains everything." He whispered and it occured to Bucky that Steve might not have told anyone about what they had been.

Why should he have when it looked like it didn't matter, Bucky had been dead when he'd been woken up, and Bucky hadn't remembered who Steve was when Steve found out he wasn't and then all that had mattered was Bucky's recovery. Steve would have watched him live a life not loving him as long as Bucky was living a life at all, the tapes had mentioned as much, Steve's rambling about everything he'd ever thought, some of them memories of them, before War had torn them apart, others just wisps of hopes and dreams, the dream of passing the Shield to Sam, of retiring from Captain America, maybe going back to school and becoming an Artist, how it might be nice to teach art if he could. And a few hours dedicated to the different ways they could get married, from an elaborate drawn out thing with thousands of people Steve wouldn't be able to name to a tiny ceremony before a Judge with Natasha as Bucky's Best girl with Sam as his best man and Tony, Wanda, and Clint as Steve's and Bruce and Thor as witnesses, sometime after Tony got married and his daughter was born he'd added them to the guest list with the Spider kid and a few others that had been lost in the Snap.

Bucky brushed a tear from his eyes as he thought about it and how it wasn't going too happen, not now.

The elevator paused and they exited and stopped in front of the single door in the hall way, a nurse exiting it and forcing a smile for them.

"How is he?" Tony asked.

"The same." The nurse told them.

Tony looked down and away, Bucky could tell he was upset but Sam looked angry.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" Sam asked.

The nurse shook her head, "We are doing everything we can, we don't know what effects the Stones have individually and together..., well, there's no way of knowing."

"Can we see him?" Bucky asked.

The nurse looked at him with pity, "I don't see the harm, but he probably won't wake up."

"I know that." Bucky said, they told him that every time he came in and he was tired of hearing it.

Tony and Sam let him go ahead, staying to talk to the nurse a bit more and Bucky was grateful for the time alone, even if it would be brief.

It was almost a familiar sight, Steve laying on the bed, cocooned in blankets and hooked up to too many wires. It was too noisy in the room, Steve would hate it, the steady beeping of the heart monitor and the whirring of the machine that pumped air into his lungs, a precaution, they'd told him, just in case, just in case because there had been a moment as they carried him from the battlefield where Steve had stopped breathing.

It had scared Bucky, he'd thought he was losing Steve and Bucky wasn't ready to lose Steve.

Steve had been right on that account, Bucky had always been the one going away, leaving Steve to follow any way he could, he'd just managed to do it better than Bucky.

Bucky sat down in the chair next to the bed, the one he always sat in, Sam preferring to sit on so he was on Steve's left, it was a joke between them and Bucky never asked for an elaboration, he understood inside jokes.

Bucky wrapped his hands around Steve's, careful of the wires that ran from the back of his hand and his elbow.

"Hey, Stevie." Bucky said softly, "Finally went to your place, Sam made me, said I had to make myself presentable for you, I think h mostly meant himself and the rest of them. I found the tapes, listened to them, couldn't help myself, we never did hide things from one another."

Bucky traced a vein on Steve's hand, "So, Yes, you can call me husband when you wake up. You just got to wake up, alright?"

Bucky looked at Steve's face, not a twitch of his eyelids and he felt the sobs finally break out, pressing his face to Steve's limp hand as he soaked it with his tears.

At the door, Tony and Sam quietly took a step back each and carefully closed it, taking up a post at either side of the door and refusing to let anyone enter, but the one ones to come by understood when they saw Bucky's head laying down on the bed through the observation window and they joined Tony and Sam in their vigil, hoping beyond hope that soon Steve would wake up, that maybe just maybe Steve and Bucky would finally get that happy ending they had been denied for over seventy years.

\--

A/n: Something I felt compelled to write. Au where Steve uses the Gauntlet but he's not like Hulk but he's also a bit more than just Human so when he uses it something happens and while he's not dead like Tony was, he's not really okay either.

I might come back to this and write him waking up but have some angst for now.


End file.
